Nicole's Story Behind the Painting:
My painting "The Lost Boys" has lines scratched into the paint with the edge of my paintbrush and lots of frenetic energy. Yet there is also a softness to the way the yellow, red and green colors blend and bleed into each other. This contrast between anxious marks and colors gently fading into one another reflects the duality of wandering.
I can feel unsure and unprepared for the future, and still put my heart in the driver's seat. The fears might not go away, but rather than obey fear, I try my best to let love guide the way.
At the time I made this painting, I felt spellbound by the TV series Little Voice, with music by Sara Bareilles. I'm close in age with the main character named Bess. I think we would have connected with each other in a special, deep way, the kind of friendship that validates the core of who you are.
Bess is a fictional character, an imaginary singer-songwriter in New York City struggling to listen to and honor her own voice. Still, she felt so real to me.
During the show, Bess writes a song called "King of the Lost Boys." I put the song on repeat and painted what I felt. The scratch marks and colors blending into each other represent what it feels like to wander, to keep moving forward while unsure of the direction you're moving in, feeling maybe unprepared for where that wandering path may lead.
Bess writes "King of the Lost Boys" after feeling inspired by her brother with whom she acts out the story of Peter Pan to comfort him, like when they were kids. These are some of the lyrics:
Shadows begin their games
These faces with no names
Whisper words in tongues
Make your ears ring
The monsters circle 'round
Eyes upon you
Raise your head
And let them hear your heart's choice
You are the king of the lost boys
Come, now
Honey, don't you cry, no
Honey, don't you cry
In time you will be stronger
Don't you
Worry 'bout the why
Those answers come in time
So leave your heart to wander
Bess and her brother grew up with a father who went absent for days or weeks at a time and a mother who one day left.
I can see why they'd relate to the lost boys. Peter Pan's pals in Neverland, the group of Lost Boys, do not want to grow up. They lack caregivers and must move forward as time passes by them, without their parents. And the lost boys wander, but never quite get to see a future for themselves beyond the lives they already lead.
Yet Bess' song reveals something different about wandering — As adults, we can choose to wander guided by our hearts rather than by fear of the future and the unknown. So as Bess sings, we can choose not to worry about the why for a while. Those answers come in time. It's okay to leave your heart to wander!
