This is the corrective statement my parents often called upon when I committed some childhood infraction. You know, like sneaking an extra cookie or putting globs of mud on the dog’s back because it looked funny when she walked.

Ought. To. Be.

Wow. I woke up one morning hearing this in my mind like it was for the first time. “Ought to be” as if shame is something to aspire to; you definitely need it if you dare to seek or find anything pleasurable. I see now that my child’s brain came to a faulty conclusion.

Now in my sixth decade on this earth, I realize how very much words shape us and our beliefs about ourselves and the world.Phrases heard come back with new and deeper meanings. I’m realizing how much my beliefs about merit and pleasure were formed early on, based on flippantly uttered, yet well-meaning words.